I am a Child of God.

     Ben Hooper was the governor of Tennessee from 1911-1915. He was born to a single mother and grew up as the mock of the town because he had no father. He said 

     "‘I used to go off by myself at recess and during lunchtime because the taunts of my playmates. What was worse was going downtown on Saturday afternoon and feeling every eye burning a hole through you. They were all wondering just who my real father was.'     One Sunday, a new preacher came to town. Ben tried to slip out of church early to avoid getting stuck in the crowd. Before he got out the door, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see the preacher looking right at him.     ‘Who are you, son? Whose boy are you?’     ‘I felt the old weight come on me. It was like a big black cloud. Even the preacher was putting me down. But as he looked down at me, studying my face, he began to smile a big smile of recognition. ‘Wait a minute,’ he said, ‘I know who you are. I see the family resemblance. You are a son of God.’With that he slapped me across the rump and said, ‘Boy you’ve got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.’    ‘That was the most important single sentence ever said to me.’”

     We are children of God. One of the most important truths we have, one that we take for granted, we are children of our Heavenly Father. This means that He doesn’t just sit there and govern from above - He’s actively involved in our lives. He cares about us, protects us, and wants us to return to Him. This basic truth gives us so much worth and a sense of belonging above anything that we can build for ourselves.

     In this past General Women’s Conference, Sister Rosemary M. Wixom declared, “Because you are His child, He knows who you can become. He knows your fears and your dreams. He relishes your potential. He waits for you to come to Him in prayer. Because you are His child, you not only need Him, but He also needs you."

     One day in Florida, my companion and I went to an apartment complex inviting people to a community event the stake was hosting. Not one single person wanted to talk to us. The people of Jacksonville liked to play hide and seek with us, but we were always it. Everyone scatters and hides when the missionaries come out. We tried to contact people for a while, I was so unbelievably miserable and was already having an awful day - way past the end of my rope. I was ready to leave when we heard the sweetest voice behind us, "Hey ladies, what you handing out?" We turned to see the cutest little girl, probably only 6 or 7, anxiously coming up to us. We told her we were inviting people to church and her eyes immediately lit up. "Oooh, can I bring my mommy?!" Yes, please! "How old do you have to be? Where your church at?" I walked out of that apartment so overwhelmed with love and gratitude for that miracle. I wanted to teach that little girl all about her Savior and how she was so unbelievably precious, she was a daughter of God. It was amazing how the curiosity of a 6 year old taught me the biggest lesson about God's love. It was obvious that even though I was done, Heavenly Father wasn't done with me. 

     One of my favorite scriptures is in Doctrine & Covenants 61:36, "Be of good cheer, little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you." 

     There have been so many times where it's very obvious that Heavenly Father has not forsaken me. Times when we're trying to teach a lesson when we see police lights outside and walk out to see an investigator's sister getting arrested on the front lawn, the police just look us and let us leave without getting involved in that craziness. When we felt prompted to not knock on a door, barely avoiding a pitbull attack. When you're having the worst day ever and a friend calls just to see how you're doing. Those are evidences that God sure as heck loves me.

     Henry B. Eyring has said of our relationship with Heavenly Father, “You were tutored by Him before you came into this life. He helped you understand and accept that you would have trials, tests, and opportunities perfectly chosen just for you. You learned that our Father had a plan of happiness to get you safely through those trials.”

     Now we're here on earth and we're scared, we're terrified, we don't know what to do. But we do know that we have a Father who will protect us and guide us back to Him. He loved us enough to teach and comfort us before we came to earth and He's not going to abandon us now.

     These are truths we have to hang onto. There are days when my anxiety and depression create a dark haze in my head. So dark that I give up on hope that usually would be so apparent and can't grasp any truths unless they're degrading towards myself. If someone comes up to me and compliments my outfit or whatever, I undoubtly, within the hour, will be sobbing in my room wondering what's wrong with me and why that person hates me so much. It doesn't make sense, but when the haze takes over, that's my reality. 

     So as part of my therapy, I have to have a list of truths readily available. Truths that mean something to my identity and that are strong enough to bring me back to reality. The majority of the list is of experiences where I’ve felt that God’s still there - feeling the Spirit in the temple, seeing rays of light through Florida's Spanish Moss letting me know God was there and His cause was worth it, getting an answer to a prayer asking if He loved me, etc. Even though the haze makes me feel alone and hopeless, these truths are so real and so strong, that they’ve literally saved my life in the worst of times.

     No matter how alone we may feel, He will not forsake us, because we are His child. 

     I know without a doubt that God's still there. I've had too many manifestations to not have a reason to believe it. I've been watched over and protected too many times to not know He's active in our lives. Because of God, all is well. We may be stuck in a haze, but as Romans 8:16 teaches us, the Spirit will tell us that we come from God. We are His.

Lessons to be Learned.

Trying to escape Florida's infamous storms

          In Mark 6, Christ teaches us an important lesson about the trials we face in mortality. He had left his apostles to go pray and when He came back, He found them stuck in a storm, struggling for their lives. It’s recorded that He waited until the “fourth watch of the night”, about 3 AM, to help them. He sat and watched them, not because He wanted them to struggle, but because there was a lesson that needed to be learned.

One night on the mission, I was talking to our senior couple, the Vans, about trials. Elder Van asked, “Isn’t it a wonder how 1/3 of God’s children didn’t choose this? And now we have to deal with all this crap.” It sure is crap, but that’s what we signed up for. WE ASKED FOR THIS - for all the storms and trials and garbage in our lives - and we’re probably all wondering why, but we knew where it would take us, what we would learn from it. Heavenly Father knows that, Christ knows it, we just need to remember.

I can see Christ sitting up there, watching us. I know He often mutters under his breath, “Seriously, Chelsea? You’re a mess, get yourself together! Be patient, turn to me. It’s almost over - you’re fine.” I’m sure He said the same thing about His disciples as He sat watching them. 

Mark goes on - Christ did eventually come, not when the disciples wanted, but He came when the time was right, in the fourth watch. He knew that the longer the trial ensued, the quicker they’d turn to Him. So He miraculously approaches them walking on the water, and thanks to Peter, we learn one of the most important lessons regarding our relationship with Christ. I’m sure each apostle looked back and realized that it was worth going through 10 storms of that magnitude just to experience such great events. There was a lesson to be learned. 

My anxiety and depression has been off the charts this week and I was given a priesthood blessing in which I was promised, “There’s an end in sight - you just have to learn the lesson that’s meant to be learned.” So great, the storm ain’t stoppin’. Awesome. But there’s an end. It’s just coming in the fourth watch of the night.

           Despite the storm that’s still ensuing, I’m finally at a point where I can notice the good moments and see the lessons I’ve learned from all my struggles. There’s some that came forcefully, while others were just expanded upon, but I’m grateful for each and every one and for each and every sleepless, tearful night that brought me here. 

Lessons learned:

-It’s okay to rely on others sometimes, it’s okay to collapse and be taken care of

-It’s okay to see doctors and be on meds, I’m not any less because of it

Orlando, Florida temple 
withstanding a storm

-Life’s awful

-God often comforts us using others

-Moms are the best and there are specific reasons why I was sent to Julie Carr 

-God’s plan is totally different from my own

-Trust God’s will, even if I don’t understand - be naive

-Trust the Spirit, my mind’s constantly lying to me, but the Spirit will always tell me what’s really going on

-I have no right to ever be mad at God, I have NO IDEA what He has up His sleeve

-You never know what’s going on in other’s lives

-Pain hurts, but that’s all it does, it’s no threat

-I am not my body

-“We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!” -Jeffrey R. Holland

-The Atonement covers literally everything
-There's very real protection that comes from the temple.

-God knows I’m there

-Certain people are put in my life for a reason, family is essential in any healing process

-GOD IS OH SO GOOD

-When there’s no one else, Christ is there

-Breathe and be patient

-Ice cream is amazing

-Life will eventually make sense and line up, and when it does, it’s beyond perfect

-Prayers and priesthood blessings help in the greatest and smallest of ways
-Believe in the miracles that surround you.

Parable of the Race Car

From the Stig's perspective, cause you know, who doesn't love the Stig?

      Long story short - I had a doctor in the mission field that changed my life - helped me understand my health condition, gave me hope, helped me accept my situation, yada, yada, yada. There was one analogy he shared with me that I've thought about every day since and has been on my mind 24/7 lately so I thought I'd share:

      This life is a giant racetrack and we're all little cars zooming round doing our own thing. But for some reason, some of us weren't built like the rest of the cars . Some of us were built with 2 gears, some of us with 3, some of us with 5 - why were we built like that? Who knows? We just were.      

      Those of us with only 2 look around, and see that we're not going as fast as the other cars, no matter how fast we're trying to go and no matter what we try to do. Engine's screaming, all cylinders are on fire, but we refuse to stop - we have to keep up with the Ferrari ahead even though we're doing all we can with our 2 cylinders.    

     What we refuse to understand is that we don't need to go racing speed, we don't have to keep up with the all-star elder Lamborghini that's getting 8 baptisms a month or the Relief Society President that's doing everything and still looks perfect doing it all, we only have two gears, we just can't keep up with that. 

      So here we are going around our little racetrack of life and as soon as the mission hits, we're thrown into this huge race. No one has ever experienced this high speed lifestyle before the mission, and that's the time when us 2 geared folk struggle the hardest - that's when we break. It's nothing we can prevent, it's nothing we did wrong, it's just the way it is. So we have the choice to accept it or not - you can keep going as hard as you can, but something's eventually going to break and you will explode.         

       So because of my little stubborn self, I was the one that completely wore myself out to the breaking point. Staying out in the mission field and working even harder than I could broke me down more than it should've. It's okay to slow down and take a breather, no matter how hard it is. I was talking to my Dad this morning about how my mission played out and through all my blabbering and complaining, his only response was, "I'm just glad you're home." I'm grateful I'm home. I'm grateful for the pain I had to go through to learn that it's okay to go a little slower than everyone else, it's okay to take a break. I'm grateful for the break I was forced to take before I broke down even more. 

Approved.

Definition of hot mess: Last painful week as a missionary. Those bags though, am I right?

        We all struggle. And there's a lot of people that are struggling with the same mental and emotional challenges as I am. I’m praying that this will help someone - anyone - out, just to know it’s okay, even though it’s really not and that you’re not alone. The Spirit’s been pushing me to post this, and I’m finally listening this time, so here goes nothing. 

  I’ve been home from my mission for almost 9 months now, 5 months earlier than I’d like, but hey, here we are. Life’s the lamest sometimes.
        My last post nine months ago was about an insanely miraculous conference we had from Elder D. Todd Christofferson - so why not complete the circle? Elder Christofferson came last minute to a stake conference in Kingsland, Georgia, the most northern part of our mission. We got a text from the Assistants on Saturday night that SURPRISE - Elder Christofferson was in town and could only meet with a few of us, and we were one of the few zones chosen. We were way beyond stoked to say the least. 

  At that time, I had been out for a little over a year. The last 6 months I had been struggling way hard - I would cry randomly throughout the day, had no motivation, truly believed the police were out to get me, had panic attacks whenever the blinds were left open, my body would shut down throughout the day, I couldn’t drive, felt isolated and abandoned - by God and everyone else, was always exhausted no matter how much I slept, couldn’t talk to men because I was convinced they were going to attack me, and little things took twice as long and twice as much energy to accomplish. And I couldn’t understand why or what even the heck was going on. Nine months in, I saw a doctor and started therapy - they diagnosed me with Major Depression Disorder. And later, I would be diagnosed with a minor Paranoia disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Fun stuff right?

        So anyway, end of background tangent. Three days after Elder Christofferson’s appearance, I was on the phone with my mission president when he first mentioned the possibility of going home. I was really upset after the phone call and kind of ticked off that he would even mention that - because the perfectionist in me was fine and I was convinced that I could fight it off. I had hung up and told my companions (another great story - trio with Sister Call, Sister Call, and Sister Carr) what he had said and pretty much screamed (yeah, I screamed) “The only way President could even get me near a plane was if the Prophet himself came and told me to.” Then it felt like the Spirit slapped me in the face (I get that a lot) and I very clearly heard, “Why on earth do you think Elder Christofferson showed up?” Then I sobbed (like a lot) and after that, there was no arguing with the Spirit, no matter how much I tried. 

Elder Christofferson’s message from that conference is pretty clear and I can perfectly see how little of a coincidence it was. As he was speaking to us, he stopped mid-sentence, had his own little revelatory moment right in front of us (most amazing thing ever) and went on with this: 

“Some of you, maybe all of you, some are very concerned about the acceptability of your service and how you measure up in His eyes. And I’m here to tell you that you’re approved. If you want a personal witness on where you stand, how He feels about your service and about your desires, I bless you that you will receive that witness. Sometimes in the next few days or weeks, in His way, in His time, you will receive that witness that you’re okay, that He loves you and that He accepts your offering. And that your service is worthy and acceptable, you’re standing approved in His sight. 

It’s a wonderful thing for the Lord to say, ‘I accept your offer.’ So, that’s why I am here today. Some of you want to have that witness come more than once. You want it at the end of your mission. You want it at other times as you go forward after this mission. And the Lord is generous and is kind, and not too often, but once in a while you’ll know, you’ll get that. And that gives you strength to go on happily. Even when you’re stuck in the mud, you can still go forward happily.”

        No matter what, Heavenly Father is still there. There were so many times that my emotions refused to let me feel that, but He’s there. I prayed to get that acceptance that Elder Christofferson promised.  I got an answer - that my service had been beyond accepted - on the plane ride (a 5 months early plane ride) home. 

He continued on: 

“I look around the circle of The Twelve and I see one that has some challenges with dementia, I see two with oxygen tanks, and I say, 'Well, there’s my future.' But what I admire is that they are all doing as much as they can, from President Monson on down. And maybe it’s just a fraction of what they used to be able to do, but it’s everything - it’s one hundred percent. And that’s what the Lord asks - is everything.”

If anyone is struggling with any physical, mental, emotional hardship at all - whether you’re a missionary, early returned missionary, parent, student, grandparent or whatever, you’re accepted. We were given this life, challenges and all, specifically tailored to what we need. Even when it’s impossible to feel it, God’s there and the 15% you’re doing is 110% in His eyes. The darkness will eventually clear and if you ask, He’ll let you of His approval. PLEASE know you're not alone. 

Week 52

From: Chelsea Carr <chelsea.carr@myldsmail.net>

Subject: Apostolic miracles!

Date: August 11, 2014 at 2:13:28 PM PDT

To: Mum <juliecarrfv@aol.com>

   Oh the trio! It's like a party 24/7. But a super exhausting, bike
riding, sweaty, teaching people the gospel sort of party. People are
getting really confused with the two Calls and Carr thing, it's always
funny to watch people's reactions. We're famous in the mission. People
all the time will say "Oh yeah, someone was talking about the three
C's." We've even had random senior couples ask if they could take our
picture. Its funny, we know.
    Elder D. Todd Christofferson miraculously showed up this weekend
and wasn't going to be able to meet with any of the missionaries, but
so many miracles later - he was able to meet with the missionaries in
Jacksonville! Hallelujah! Not only did he come, but he was able to
meet with us, and I was one of the few that got to hear him speak. So
it was all very last minute, but with everything going on, it was
obvious that The Lord wanted this meeting to happen. Towards the end
of the meeting, he started to say "I pray that..." But you could see
something click in his head and he changed the subject and started to
talk about what The Lord wanted him to tell us and how he knows why he
was there today. He started pouring blessings upon blessings and
promises upon promises to us. The Spirit was so strong and not a
single eye was dry. What a blessing to be able to experience that with
an apostle of Jesus Christ. So many prayers answered, so much
revelation received. It was one of the most spiritual experiences I've
had while out here.
    I'm so grateful for Christ's church that has been restored. I
have no doubt after everything that I've been through and experienced
that this is His true church. Elder Christofferson just glowed with
the Spirit. What a blessing to have living prophets and apostles! I
love this gospel!

Love y'all!
Sister Carr

Sisters Call, Call, and Carr. We didn't get a picture with Elder
Christofferson, but this is him and Elder Kacher of the 70 with some
of the elders in Kingland.

Week 51

TRANSFERS!!! Sister Call and I are getting a new companion...
Sister Call. Everyone thinks it's hilarious. We're pretty sure
President was looking at his transfer board and was like, here's a
joke - let's put Sister Carr and Sister Call and Sister Call in a trio
together hahaha, yeah sounds good. He had to make a joke about it as
he announced on the transfer call last night. Funny. But the new
Sister Call only has three weeks left and is leaving early for school,
so she's just moving with us for a little bit. She was in my district
all six months in keystone and has been in my zone all six months
here, so I know her pretty well. So this will be good!
     On Wednesday, I made a covenant with Heavenly Father to invite
20 people to scripture class. I made it three hours before class
started and we still had Facebook and dinner in our plans. So we
talked to everyone that we saw as we were biking around. We had ten
minutes to get to the building and still had 5 more people to talk to.
I decided to forget it and just bike as fast as we could to class. We
passed a park where some people were sitting and the spirit told me to
talk to them - that one of them had come to take a walk in the park to
find some answers to life. We had a long way to go still and I ignored
the prompting. The spirit again said to stop and their one chance to
hear the gospel was literally just silently riding behind them. I
ignored the prompting still. But then I heard Sister Call yelling at
me "Stop! We need to talk to them!" So we had to awkwardly bike back
and squeeze through the fence to talk to them, but we did - and
they're golden. One of the girls was like "I think God put you in my
path today." And then the spirit slapped me in the head. Dur.
     I was on a trade off on Thursday with a new sister, Sister
McCook. We were sitting at the doctors and there was a lady sitting in
the waiting room with us. The Spirit again was like "Talk to her, but
don't invite her to do anything Gospely." So I was like, umm that's
the only way I know how to talk to people, no. I got called into the
doctors office so I couldn't go further with that. Turns out that
Sister McCook received the same impression and once they started
talking and her mom is a less active member of the church and just sat
there and watched Mormon Messages together. They traded info just
before the lady got called into the office. She needs the gospel. Oh
the spirit is so good.
     So lesson learned... Follow promptings!
I love y'all!
Sister Carr

Our district leader and his trainee both wear raybans so our entire
district surprised them and showed up to zone meeting wearing them.
Best district ever. .... Me on cockroach duty.

Week 50

  Miracles. We didn't do a ton for my birthday last week and I was
pretty bummed about that. It's hard being away from home and not
having anything eventful to do and nothing super exciting. But thirty
minutes before pday ended, a member called us and asked us what time
we wanted her to pick us up for dinner. She said the elders were
visiting people with her husband and she felt like she needed to do
something with the sisters. God knows us. Oh that was the best thing
surprise and blessing ever. Yay for miracles.
   We were talking during studies and were like, "We really need a
baptism." And the only person that could be ready for baptism anytime
soon is one of our eternigators who told us last week that he doesn't
want to be baptized, but yet he's the only one who keeps his
commitments and knows it's true and comes to church every week. So we
called him and were like "Hey, do you wanna get baptized next Sunday?"
And we didn't have any time to awkwardly sit there in anticipation
before he was like "Yeah, I could do that next week." Alrighty. That
was the biggest shock of my life. We did a silent celebration dance
while we were still on the phone with him. But then I got an email
from president an hour later that he couldn't get baptized because of
his living circumstances.... So nevermind.
   But we're seeing lots of miracles! We had one night where everyone
was just really open and we reached all our goals that day!
Hallelujah! There's a group called the "Genesis Devotional Group" that
that was set up to help members of the church who are more used to the
black gospel choir type of music at church. They don't usually come to
our stake, but hallelujah they did this week and they're absolutely
amazing. All the missionaries were so stoked, especially the elders,
there's a snipet video of them that one of the elders took. Oh so
good!
Love y'all!
Sister Carr


Ghetto car of the week. Go Miami!